Mdtryhht

Pull him aside and apologize if you believe you were out of line. I have tended to respect managers in the past that were willing to see that they overreacted or jumped to conclusions. It doesn't have to be a long drawn-out discussion, but a simple, "Hey...didn't realize the circumstances of...."

When I first joined the workforce I did something to earn a berating session by my manager at the time. That was on Friday. On Monday he called me back in his office, where he apologised for being too harsh, because it was a relatively junior mistake - representative of my experience - and he felt (correctly) he had overreacted.

That weekend I was left with the incident in my mind, which kinda festered, and I had enough time to change my perspective of him. I appreciated the apology but I was young and impressionable, and the damage was done. From then on our relationship remained less great than it could have been otherwise.

My point is, you were able to "move on" but your employee obviously has not. It's always easy to do the moving on if you're the one venting your spleen. He has no recourse to this, no way to "even up". His pride is hurt and probably feels bad cause his overtime efforts were obviously not appreciated by you.

And as a rule of thumb, it's always a good idea to apologise as soon as you realize you should.

The not so minor problem here is "berating" your employee. It does not matter what your reasoning is, to "scold or criticize angrily", the definition of "berate", is not professional. Of course they are disgruntled.. I would be too. A strong apology for your overreaction and a sincere and visible effort to change how you work with people is really the only thing I can suggest

It isn't unreasonable.

The problem is that you were disrespectful to an employee. They rightfully were upset by that. Even now you are continuing to disrespect them by stating that they are overreacting and implying that they should just move on, since you have. But this wasn't yours to move on from. You weren't the aggrieved.

You made the mistake, own up to it. Stop trying to minimize what you did and start treating the employee with respect. They just completed overtime for you and in return you berated them. I'd be angry too. I can't imagine you smoothed things over very sincerely considering the dismissive language in your question. Go back. Do it right. In the future don't invalidate the way people feel, it will make you a less effective leader. Everyone feels the way they do for a reason and if you understand that you can better understand them.

The mistake here was not so much that you forgot about the scheduling adjustments, nor that you were unaware of the employee's presence in the building before you saw him (though those, too, were mistakes). It's that you berated the employee, which would not be minor in any case, and the justification you claimed was also wrong.

So you laid into this employee for no reason, and seem to be minimizing/excusing/justifying your behavior even after it's become clear that you were totally wrong even according to the line of reasoning you describe here. Your employee is 100% justified in being upset over this. Even if you feel it's minor, your employee now cannot trust arrangements they've explicitly made with you, cannot trust you to be aware of facts (definitely available to you) before committing to inappropriate office behavior, and can be fairly certain that you'll try to dodge accountability for your behavior. Those aren't minor for someone that works for you and is vulnerable to your caprice.

You should talk to the employee again, provided that you can do the following during that exchange:

• Take responsibility for your mistakes and inappropriate behavior




• Refrain from minimizing the incident or justifying why you "deserve"
  a free pass for what happened




• Offer a sincere apology



• Provide some sort of assurance that the employee won't be subject to
  this sort of bad behavior from you in the future

Yes, you should speak to him again.

Apologize for your mistake.

Understand your mistake.

You already accept that you made a mistake, but it's not clear that you understand exactly what the mistake was. It wasn't just misunderstanding or forgetting about his previously agreed start time, or even that you berated him - it's that you did not give him the opportunity to explain until after you started berating him. You acted without full information. In a position of authority, you must not do that.

Avoid similar mistakes in future.

As a manager, there will be a time and a place when you may have to discipline your staff or correct them over behavioural matters (I'm not sure I'd call it "berating", but that's beside the point). You must never do that without full information. Always ask for an explanation before launching into that kind of conversation.

The employee has every right to be upset with you. You need to apologize IMMEDIATELY. What concerns me is that you are posting here to justify your poor management. As a manager, you're in charge of managing people and work. You're a leader who sets examples. Leaders who lose their cool and resort to emotional embarrassment are not leaders, they are seen as someone who can't control their emotions.

Your employees are not robots, they are real people with families, hopes and dreams. A lot of people feel justified to berating their employees because they were once treated that way. Whether or not that's the case for you, it's a wrong outlook. At this point, you need to consider if you can handle the management position.

Take Responsibility for What You Actually Did

You quickly moved on? Is that because to you, your employee is just a piece of equipment that you tinker with through various verbal commands to cause it to function correctly, and once you determine that it was/is functioning correctly, you have no further responsibility to it?

Unfortunately, people are not robots or pieces of equipment. Thus, your employee is completely reasonable to be upset with you. You didn't just make a minor mistake. You called him out, megaphone effect and all, in a toxic way (not appropriate even for real mistakes), when you were completely in the wrong, and now think it's unreasonable to just "move on?"

For your consideration, I offer you the concept of being a boss vs. a leader. Which one do you think is more effective? Which one do you want to be? Do you recognize that being an effective manager is to be effective with people, and has almost nothing to do with ordering people around or quickly calling out mistakes?

My best suggestion to you is to go back to your employee and make a REAL apology. A good apology. I have personally identified, over time through much thought, seven elements of a good apology:

Learn My Seven Elements of a Good Apology

1. Clearly admit your unjust or wrong action as unjust or wrong.


2. 
   Express your understanding and recognition of the real consequential damage you caused to the other person.


3. 
   Show sincere regret for the wrong act.


4. Carry out whatever redress or reparations are possible to repair the damage or make up for it. If not possible, express sincerely that you would if you could.


5. 
   Express your firm intention to never do it again, and share your plan for how you will do differently in the future to ensure it never recurs.


6. 
   Ask what else needs doing to make things right, if anything.


7. Ask for forgiveness (perhaps this one is optional, I have to think about it more).

If you can't do at least the first five of these sincerely, then you are not actually ready to make a real apology, and you are not ready to restore the troubled relationship with your employee. This apology does not have to be on your knees, sobbing, begging forgiveness, with much angst. You can be direct, and concise, and after delivering the apology you can move on. Here's a sample of what you could say in your exact situation. Remember, it has to be sincere or earnest. Calm and direct is great. Talk to your employee like he is a business partner (which he is), not a "subordinate."

A Sample Apology You Could Make

"Hey John, I just wanted to mention something to you about last Friday. I was completely in the wrong, and the way I berated you was not an okay way to handle the situation in any case even if I had been right. I'm sorry I did that to you. I will treat you respectfully in the future even if I'm calling out an issue as your manager, and I promise to always do my best to find out all information in a situation instead of jumping to conclusions.

"To make it up to you I'd like you to leave two hours early this Friday but you'll still get paid for the whole day (don't get used to that, though [laugh]). It's totally understandable if you feel upset by what happened, because I acted like an ass. I'd sure be ticked off if my boss did that to me, and I might even start feeling unsafe and worry that I'll be blasted even when I do the right thing.

"It would be great if we could have a relationship of mutual trust and respect, and I'd appreciate it if you could give me a do-over on this one so we can try stepping out on the right foot this time. You don't have to answer this now, but if there's anything else you would like to address about this situation, please let me know, and I promise to hear you out and respond slowly instead of reacting, because I really want us to succeed together as a team."

NOW you can "move on" and never mention it again. It is now solved, old history. Any resentment your employee hangs onto is now his responsibility because you gave him the agency to address it and you did your darn best to take care of the problem. You took the high road.

And note: you will NOT lose respect for this. You will only look bad in his eyes if your employee is a jerk of colossal proportions, and your relationship is doomed already. You will gain incredible respect. Relationships that have been through trials and then got repaired are stronger and better than those that haven't done so. Do you want to be a boss, or a leader?

You don't have to use my version. But hit those elements. Elements 1 - 6 of my good apology list are in my sample above. Every one is an important aspect.

Taking the Next Step In Your Upward Career Path

Finally, consider watching these videos:

• Why good leaders make you feel safe


• Simon Sinek Explains What Almost Every Leader Gets Wrong


• Start with why—how great leaders inspire action


• Most leaders don't even know the game they are in


• "Greatness" by David Marquet, submarine captain

I believe that your ability to be successful as a manager will be improved if you voluntarily dive into leadership training. You don't have to wait until your company does some formal initiative. Start reading, watching, researching, thinking, learning, and trying. Be humble, but be confident and bold. Realize that your greatest power as a manager doesn't come from your corporate-granted ability to fire but from your personal ability to lead, inspire, and propel your team to success, for the group and for each person individually.

It's time to start thinking about your job differently. Will you rise to the challenge?

P.S. if you start learning these lessons and taking this to heart, you will become the kind of leader that can have greater success than your peers. It isn't being an authoritarian that leads to real success with people. It's leading them, yes with authority, but from a servant perspective instead of from a dictatorial perspective. Get so much stuff done and so much accomplished with your teams that they recognize you as a rising star!

Berating someone when they did nothing wrong creates in their head a work environment going forward where they can expect to be subjected to that treatment in a completely capricious manner.

Apology is a good first step, but honestly this should never have happened in the first place. Even if you abjectly apologize for your mistake, the damage is still done. You could still make a similar mistake in the future, and seem to be reserving for yourself the right to behave that way at (from the employee's perspective) any random moment.

Better would be to never ever "berate" an employee unless you are 100% sure what's going on. Best would be to never ever "berate" an employee period. Every company I've ever worked for has policies and procedures for dealing with tardiness issues. If you aren't able to deal with subordinate issues in a professional manner, perhaps that shouldn't be part of your job portfolio.

You overreacted to a perceived "mistake" that wasn't actually the employee's mistake at all, but was your own, and when it was made known to you that it was your mistake and not his, you brushed it off like "a simple mistake". The employee is therefore rightfully upset; would it have been "a simple mistake" if it was actually the employee's fault, and if the employee brushed it off lightly, as you did to him, what would you have done?

There's not a heck of a lot you can do at this point, you've already made an ass of yourself to your subordinate. Expect that subordinate to henceforth be extremely resistant to working overtime when you ask him to, as he should be (he should be resistant to overtime anyway, but he will be extra resistant now). I would avoid asking him for any overtime for at least a month, possibly more.

The employee may be afraid that this incident may show up on a formal review; I have had cases in the past where I had an issue, that issue turned out to be my manager's fault, I "resolved" it with my manager, and then my manager raised the issue again during a performance review and pegged it as my fault again. You should present a written apology to your employee, that he can present back to you if this issue ever comes up again, and that he can bring to HR in the event he is terminated on a matter related to this, as proof that this issue was not his fault. It is possible the employee will use this written apology to raise this issue to HR as you being an incompetent manager. He'd be right to do so, and that's your problem, not his.

EDIT: To expand upon the above point, this is an issue of trust. If I was your employee, what would be going through my mind now is, "What this company is asking me to do is to give of myself freely to the company, and in exchange I get a promise that the company will give back. However, when I try to get back what the company has promised to me, they reneg on their promise. Therefore, why should I give more to the company than they deserve/pay me for?"

This is why your employee should be very resistant to doing overtime; presumably they were not paid for it in this case, as they were promised time-in-lieu, and when they attempted to cash in their time-in-lieu they were berated for it, so essentially they were given nothing (whether or not you realized your mistake after the fact is irrelevant). In most locales this is illegal, first of all (to neither be paid for your overtime nor given time-in-lieu), but even aside from that, this paints the picture of an organization which does not respect work-life balance. Furthermore, even if you change the relationship, and say "rather than time-in-lieu, you will be paid for your overtime", what is the guarantee to this employee that their overtime pay request will be acknowledged by you, the manager who has already disrespected their time-in-lieu previously?

The way to deal with this is, again, to present a written statement of apology to the employee, so they know their time-in-lieu was, in fact, respected. This will not completely repair the damage done, however. If I was your employee, I would already be searching for another job; in terms of team leadership, this is a capital offense for me, in the sense that if this was done to me once, I'm actively looking for a way out immediately. If I receive a written apology, I will only passively look for a way off the team (whereas if this situation had never happened at all, I wouldn't be looking at all).

The issue here is not the particular incident.

Common sense and real-life experience suggests that anyone who is a competent manager or administrator behaves in a generally consistent manner.

You have just demonstrated to your employee what your "consistent manner" of dealing with this sort of incident is. As such, it is perfectly reasonable for the employee to assume that if something similar occurs again, you will behave in the same way.

The employee is probably quite well aware that you are "overworked and overstretched" - and real-life experience suggests that overworked and overstretched people are the least likely to suddenly change their behaviour, at least until the root cause of the overwork goes away.

If that means your employee is now looking for another job, it's too late to change the situation now. Consider that he/she has probably told all his/her co-workers what happened, as well.

(Of course if the employee has the opinion that in fact you don't operate in a consistent manner, that does nothing to improve the situation from his/her point of view.)

To quote an old saying, you made your own bed - now lie in it.

The coworker is reasonably upset. People don't like to be berated. People especially don't like to be berated for doing what they are told. Now you need to 100% own your mistake. Your mistake isn't just getting the facts wrong, it also includes how you handled yourself.